Video instructions and help with filling out and completing Form 944 Pr Partnership

Instructions and Help about Form 944 Pr Partnership

Applause intimacy security respect good communication a sense of being valued these are some of the things that most people would agree make for healthy relationships and researchers would agree to there's a large body of literature on romantic relationships that's identified the features of healthy relationships and the list I just provided contains many of them researchers also agree on what makes for unhealthy relationships things like fighting so much that you just can't work things out not being able to go to your partner for support when you need it contempt criticism hostility violence when these problems happen in relationships they can cause significant unhappiness they can lead to the end of relationships and divorce and they can literally make people physically and emotionally sick this is why it's so critical that people have healthy relationships but there's a problem how many people know I mean really know what to do on a day to day basis to create healthy relationships my point is this we may know what a healthy relationship looks like but most people have no idea how to get one and no one teaches us how to do so we need to teach people how to have healthy relationships now you know when we typically do so after it's too late it's called couples therapy I do couples therapy and it can be a wonderful thing but many people come to couples therapy with so many ingrained problems and patterns that they just can't change it's too late you know what else we try to teach people how to have healthy relationships right before they get married it's called premarital education and this is a good idea teach people how to have a good relationship while they're still happy presumably and it can work but in my opinion it's still too late why because people have already selected the person they want to commit their life to what if they selected poorly no amount of premarital education can make up for a bad partner choice so the ways that we've tried to teach people how to have healthy relationships have been limited because they fail to address three important things genuinely knowing what you want and need in a partner in a relationship selecting the right person and developing and using skills right from the beginning and I don't mean the beginning of any particular relationship I mean the beginning beginning like as soon as possible we need to teach people especially young people how to have healthy relationships now towards this end my colleagues and I have developed a skills based model of relationship functioning that we believe can help people create the things that lead to healthy relationships and reduce the behaviors that lead to unhealthy ones we've identified three skills insight mutuality and emotion regulation that form the basis for what we call romantic competence romantic competence is the ability to function adaptively across all areas or all aspects of the relationship process from figuring out what you need to finding the right person to building a healthy relationship and to getting out of relationships that are unhealthy I'll tell you more about the skills in a minute but first let me say we didn't just make this up out of the blue we identified the skills based on a thorough review of theory and research and the skills really represent the commonalities across the major theories and research findings on healthy relationships and because they represent the commonalities we think they really can help people with all the different parts of the relationship process and with all different people whether people are in a relationship or not so let me tell you about the skill the first one is insight insight is about awareness and understanding and learning so with insight you'll have a better idea of who you are what you need what you want why you do the things you do so let's say you're being really snappy to your partner with insight you might notice or realize that it's not that your partner's doing anything it's actually that you're really stressed out at work and what you really need is to relax a little bit so it doesn't bleed out over into your relationship insight will also let you know your partner better let's say your partner shows up late for a date with insight you'll know why for example maybe your partner's late for everything it's nothing about you it's nothing about the relationship that's just who your partner is with insight you'll be able to anticipate the positive and negative consequences of your behavior for example you know you'll know that if you send that nasty text it's not gonna go well maybe you better make a phone call instead with insight you'll be able to learn from your mistakes in ways that allow you to behave differently in the future so maybe you'll recognize that you're the kind of person who tends to jump in really quickly you get wrapped up in the romance of things and then things don't go well so you might be able to say well you know what the next time I'm just gonna take things a little more slowly and not repeat the same mistake and with insight you'll have a better understanding about what's really right for you in a relationship maybe you're the kind of person who really needs a monogamous relationship you're not okay with your partner seeing other people or maybe you'll realize it's just the opposite that you're not ready to settle down and you need a partner who's okay with that so that's insight the second skill is mutuality neutrality is about knowing that both people have needs and that both sets of needs matter with mutuality you'll be able to convey your own needs in a clear direct fashion that increases the likelihood that you'll get them met so let's.

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